Chuck Norris writes code under the name Josh Holmes

I love Chuck Norris jokes. One of my favorites is “Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.” There are a ton of them out there. There are even entire web sites dedicated to Chuck Norris jokes such as http://www.thechucknorrisfacts.com/. Most of those jokes are hysterical though some are slightly less than politically correct.

So Bill Wagner accidentally started jokes about me. Bill was actually responding to me when I posted that it was -8 outside. The full context is that “-8 keeps out the riff raff” but as you can read below, it looks like he was saying that I’m the one that keeps out the riff raff.

Leon Gershing (aka fallenrogue) took that and ran with it ala Chuck Norris jokes. Since then a ton of people have started piling on. (btw – Leon actually named this post to)

Bill_color_small_normalbillwagner: @joshholmes Keeps out the riff raff.
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet
Photo_22_normal fallenrogue: @billwagner I hear @joshholmes‘ tears cure cancer…. too bad he’s never cried.
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet
Photo_22_normalfallenrogue: I also hear that @joshholmes has to register any code he writes as lethal weapons.
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet
Picture_14_normalusher: Good laugh of the day – RT @fallenrogue: I also hear that @joshholmes has to register any code he writes as lethal weapons.
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet

Photo_35_normaljoefiorini: @fallenrogue I’ve heard that @joshholmes‘ failing tests pass anyway because they are too scared to fail.
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet
3187276048_580e77883b-1_normalcoreyhaines: @joefiorini I heard that @joshholmes‘ testing framework writes tests for @joshholmes
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet
Photo_22_normalfallenrogue: @joefiorini @joshholmes can’t do TDD because it’s impossible to follow “Red > Green > Refactor” when his code only goes green.
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet
Photo_35_normaljoefiorini: @fallenrogue exactly; @joshholmes doesn’t need TDD. His code works the first time.
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet
3187276048_580e77883b-1_normalcoreyhaines: @joefiorini @fallenrogue @joshholmes code refactors itself
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet
Mike1981_1__normalViNull: According to NSA regulations, only @joshholmes is allowed to carry @joshholmes code across state lines
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet
Head_shot_v2_normal brianhprince: @ViNull and chuck norris of course
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet
Mike1981_1__normal ViNull: @brianhprince I heard Chuck Norris tried to out code @joshholmes once and broke all his fingers
1 day ago · Reply · View Tweet
Photo_35_normaljoefiorini: Lesson learned: no amount of careful can replace testing.
about 13 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
Photo_22_normalfallenrogue: @joefiorini except for @joshholmes who, btw, wrote a program that’s already counted to infinity… twice.
about 13 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
Photo_35_normaljoefiorini: @fallenrogue of course that was after he wrote a program to find all possible Marseinne primes. @joshholmes
about 12 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
Photo_22_normalfallenrogue: You know why you can’t mock HttpContext in .Net? because @joshholmes wrote it and @joshholmes WILL NOT BE MOCKED!!!!
about 12 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
Chris_roland_normalChrisRoland: @joshholmes Snores in binary and that’s how the internet was born.
about 12 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
Mike1981_1__normalViNull: I heard @joshholmes beard can optimize and compile 8088 assembly faster than Deep Thought
about 5 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
 
And after Chris Woodruff got stuck in the median in a snow storm…
 
Head_shot_v2_normalbrianhprince: @cwoodruff being as tall as you are, I figured you just picked up your car ‘hulk style’ and put it back on the road
about 2 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
Mikewood-headshot_normalmikewo: @brianhprince Come on now, it’s not like @cwoodruff is @joshholmes or Chuck Norris.
about 2 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet

 

Keep those jokes rolling… I might just print these off as my next resume. Or I might start handing out pajamas. 🙂

*Update – a lot more jokes added below – enjoy! *

Marty_normal MartyAdams: @joshholmes can squeeze orange juice from a banana
about 19 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
Carey_normalcareypayette: A man once asked @joshholmes if his real name is “Jo”. @joshholmes did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
about 19 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
Carey_normalcareypayette: @joshholmes threads don’t sleep … they wait!
about 19 hours ago · Reply< /a> · View Tweet
Marty_normalMartyAdams: @crazeegeekchick @careypayette go straight to the Mountain Dew. Enough caffeine to kill a horse! (but not @joshholmes)
about 19 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
Pblogo_normalPainBank: ‘@joshholmes can code so well he can squeeze a Perl out a Python that looks like a Ruby, yet runs under .Net faster than C++’ C.Norris
about 19 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
Marty_normalMartyAdams: thought of this this morning while driving in… @joshholmes doesn’t actually write code, he wills applications into existence.
about 4 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet
Mikewood-headshot_normalmikewo: @aaronlerch @joshholmes doesn’t write workarounds. Whatever he codes becomes the best practice.
about 3 hours ago · Reply · View Tweet

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